While reading Susan Blackmore's The Meme Machine today I found myself experimenting which led somewhere not very pleasant.
The experiment was to listen to different songs from different times in the past 7 years here and to see what memes they raise up. All was going well and playful until I played this song from back home, and all of a sudden the hell breaks loose.
It was a sadness that I have not felt in a very long time. Not even the restlessness of my dating experiences , of lonely days, of depression , of existential angst could match what I started feeling. I havent stopped smiling in the face of all kinds of trials and tribulations that life has thrown at me. Broken relationships, immigrations crap, tensions at work, I've been above them all , until now....
What...? Does Shoaib the great psychologist, the self proclaimed disisslussionist carrys unresolved feelings? Feelings so strong that he cant even smile? The door is shot to any happy thought as I take in the feeling. There probably wont be a later when I'll stand above this feeling and laugh.
There is a tempest in the tent. It must wait until I go back home.
It must be forgotten, burried, ignored.
The music must stop.